Cosmos

I brushed my bare hands back and forth through the soil contemplating where I wanted to plant this year’s cosmos. These flowers make the beginner feel like a master gardener since they thrive in nearly any soil condition. They are a faithful friend popping up looking their very best even in seasons when I am most depleted. 

I made lines in the soil while reminiscing my first experience with cosmos. I’ll never forget the day we tossed handfuls of seeds like prayers from a mesh bag until they covered the ground. Day after day I watched the flower garden from the living room windows decorated with fingerprints and sticky faces as I preferred it in that season. In the waiting, I made plans to fill bottles that rested in a wooden box I pasted upon the words “More Love to Thee”. I collected second-hand teapots that cried out for cuttings from my garden. Time was fragile, but I refused to stop dreaming. I watched and waited for beauty to break through the most impossible conditions.

I could depend on cosmos to show up for my family. I shared my plans for these blooms with my children. They knew what to do even if I wasn’t there. I was delighted to take pictures of the first few flowers that danced in the summer breeze. I captured every moment of my children with bundles of cosmos and wildflowers wrapped in wet paper towels. 

My nature boy’s dimples and bright blue eyes like his Daddy sparkled in the sun as he handed me a bouquet. My sweet girl still had her baby teeth. Her new haircut fell perfectly under her soft chin as she lifted that teapot in the air to show me the colors she collected. I still see my husband in that faded green t-shirt almost blending in with the bushy stems and delicate blooms on that hot summer day. He leaned in deep and determined to fill the vase with only the most beautiful flowers. The dainty pinks, purple and white fluttered their perfect petals as he proudly carried them down the hill to me. 

The memories became too heavy for my healing heart and teardrops flooded the ground beneath me. I continued dropping seeds into the earth and gently covered them. I wondered how I got to this place simply content to be hunched over dirt. 

Seems like yesterday I stuffed everything I could into the backseat of my first car. There wasn’t enough room for my hopes and dreams so I had to leave them behind. I was naive to how difficult it was going to be as a young wife building a life I loved in a lonely farming community. Never imagined anything beautiful could spring up from the desert soil in my heart. Everything I ever wanted died as I was given all that I ever needed. 

There was a time I was rather unimpressed with the simplicity of a bouquet of cosmos, but that was only when comparing it to other eye-catching blooms and unaware of this fascinating ability to overcome.

I prayed over my work and picked myself off the ground. I clapped the dirt off my hands. Smacking the dust off my clothes, I stepped back and admired the earth I dug up knowing once again cosmos are going to bloom in the most impossible of conditions.